What to do when the one you’re with isn’t The One for you

You’ve let your fantasies run away with you and now you’ve committed (sometimes even in marriage) to a person you never knew. Or, you’ve been with your mate for quite a while and that time has revealed that the two of you really have nothing in common. Or, you just can’t seem to keep your mind from running on that handsome fellow you work with. Or, you wake one day to find that the only things you and your mate share are offspring, bills and a bunch of debt you like to pretend isn’t there. Bummer!

There are endless reasons why relationships just don’t “work”. And, sometimes you may come to find that what you thought you’d signed up is almost the complete opposite of what you actually experience on a daily basis. Yikes! What to do!?

Never fear my dear! You are just dealing with the reality of a necessary albeit difficult soul contract. Allow me to offer a truth for you to ponder.

Consider, your Spirit and the Spirit of this beautiful person you’ve come into relationship with have a soul agreement that the two of you set up before birth. Consider that the time has come for the two of you to rendezvous in this time-space-reality to offer one another those lessons. Consider that the time to learn and understand those lessons is exactly perfect in this time and space.

If you can keep your head and dig for those lessons (recognize them) – (most importantly) LEARN them – change your behaviors and from there, strive to be the best you can be in every given situation, while never letting your thoughts abandon your highest ideals and deepest desires – you can’t lose.

The relationship may end. Divorce might happen. But, if you follow the steps above it’d be for your highest good. It’d be Life’s way of helping you along to the things that you truly want. That’s why it’s vital that you not become so emotionally absorbed in what things appear to be.

Perhaps it appears that your mate is cheating on you or abusing you. Well, there are actually at least two things happening. One, they are offending you in some way. Two, this could easily be a lesson in self-worth, self-reliance, self-love and self-respect. Every single person has to decide what the deal breakers are for them in relationships. At the same time, I think it’s wiser and easier (in the long run) to resist the urge to run from an uncomfortable situation. Now, I’m not saying stay because you’re comfortable. I’m saying stay and do that inner work. Obviously, if your life is in danger, bump the spiritual stuff and RUN. Then saddle in somewhere else (preferable alone for a bit) and do that inner work.

However, if you are experiencing hurt feelings, loss of personal control, or any otherwise (relatively) simple things that would likely be smoothed out in couple’s therapy – stick around and give it some time. You may complain that you’ve given this person years of your life and still nothing has changed. What is really meant by a complaint like this is that this person still isn’t being the person I would prefer them to be.

Well, I have great news! Your happiness does not depend on their ability to act that way you would like them to act. In fact, there very presence in your life, even when it gives rise to much dissatisfaction and discomfort (and maybe especially then), is a blessing. It gives you every opportunity to learn forgiveness, detachment, self-control and to seek other ways to fulfill and satisfy yourself. It provides you with all the data you need to become exceedingly clear in what it is you want for yourself.

Maybe that doesn’t sound good enough to you. Maybe you don’t want to learn your lessons, improve yourself and progress in the direction of your dreams! Maybe all you want in the world besides a flat tummy and a million bucks is for this person to be the person who makes YOU feel good.

Pause.

Here’s a picture of a Black unicorn. You’re closer to coming across one of these in the middle of the city, than you are to forcing your mate to be what you want them to be. We can never force someone to make US happy. That’s not to say it’s not possible to be happy in a relationship or to be with someone who gives rise to lots of happy and good feelings inside of you. It is to say that those good feelings have to exist inside of you already before anyone will come along who can stir them up. Happiness and love is and always will be an inside job.

Continuing on.

Only when we lose our desperation for other people can we have any hope of ever enjoying them. Only when we forgive and allow the other people in our lives to be as they desire to be – will we ever be free enough to create our dreams and desires. Only when we drop the resistance, seek the lesson, connect with the God source with/in and understand that all the love we desire to experience in life is from Source – only then, will we experience in our relationships what we desire to experience. At some point, perhaps, you will have to let some people go, sure. However, the real change must happen inside of YOU first – or you’ll find yourself in a repeat situation.

You’re not wrong for wanting a more romantic and passionate relationship. It’s just fine and perfectly natural to desire that your mate be faithful and loyal to you. You’re not a brat for wanting your mate to be as passionate about date night as he is about watching the big game. However, pushing against this person by nagging them, blaming them, guilt-tripping or shaming them is not a road to success. In fact, it’s a veritable road to ruin…and possibly divorce, separation or breaking up.

Here’s what you do instead: As much as you can, ignore that which displeases you. Do your best. Be kind. Be gentle. Give all the love and affection that you desire for yourself. Continue to serve. Continue to do that which you desire someone to do for you, for them and for yourself. Your vibration with be heightened and pretty soon the things you desire will make up the experiences of your life. I promise.

Maybe you’re rolling your eyes at that statement – and that’s fine. But, what I know is that the only way to affect positive change in another human being is to be able to experience them (no matter the degree of immaturity or pettiness they may display) and still feel good within yourself.

Want more love? Let it begin with you.

Or…you could just leave them and start this entire process over with somebody else. Just sayin’!

Ciao Babes,

ayo